bailout special, truth is there are only so many bailout stories one can write. But now is not the time to wine about the
difficulties of the satirist’s lot, with the chips down we have to…well do the best we can. We offer two different
views on how bailouts will work going forwards, both by the same person.
Bailout Special? Bailout Normal
For months now we’ve been talking about
bailing out the bailouts, about multiple bailouts of the same banks about bailing out anything that moves from hamsters to
bonuses for FX traders. We poke fun at it as if it’s a joke, but really we have missed the fundamental change in our
economy. Bailouts are no longer one off events that should be greeted with great reverence and then hilarity when they themselves
need bailing out, no in our new world bailouts are just another part of everyday life like walking the dog or driving to work.
Bailouts are here to stay, we need to incorporate them in our daily life. This new era will see bailouts in the same light
that we currently view political sex scandals. If you only get one in a week, things are slow.
So we need to look at ways that we can incorporate them part into our daily routine so that they no longer cause distress,
hilarity, shame or indeed any emotion. Firstly we need to rename them, bailout is too emotive a word. We need a technical
term which means nothing in itself. Something with the word restructure in it, people seldom pay attention after that word
is used. Cyclical capitalisation restructuring. Or even better a dull set of initals CCS. Could be a waste disposal company
or one of those big conglomerates that nobody knows what they do.
Next we need to get people over this whole money thing. All these billions being trailed around upsets the daily rhythm
of peoples’ lives. We should going forward simply drop the billions when discussing bailouts. So a $20 billion bailout
would be simply described as a 20 CCS. Now people can relax, even sleep whilst this is being discussed.
Change is a difficult thing to deal with in our daily lives. It causes great stress. In these times of uncertainty
and change we should do everything possible to ignore as much change as possible. It is crucial to our mental well being.
Humans are an inventive species and we should continually look for ways to cover up unwanted events. We here at SATFIN will
remain ever vigilant on our readers behalf.